* At the bottom of this post you will find a link to a list of Mental Health & Illness charities/support services should you need help or information.
(These type of posts are published in retrospect when I’ve had time to care for myself and I’m in a better place, there’s no need for anyone to be concerned for me but thank you all the same!)
This isn’t a post with a life lesson. It’s not a post intended to inspire.
It is a post to say that today, I am not okay.
I haven’t washed or dressed. I haven’t done any of the things I had planned on doing. I don’t have any energy. I am in pain.
Depression, anxiety, labral tear, an unknown.
‘Why did you bother taking photos? They thought they were shit. They are shit.‘
‘You can’t even read a map. You’re stupid. Everyone knows you’re stupid.’
‘Why are you even looking at job posts? You wouldn’t be able to do any of them.‘
‘You’re making plans for later in the week but you shouldn’t; people are going to ask you how you are and what you’ve been up to and you know you’ve nothing to tell them. They’ll think your pathetic. YOU ARE PATHETIC‘
Fighting. Fighting. Fighting.
Shootings, police brutality, death.
‘You don’t have real problems. You’ve nothing to feel sad about. Stop being so fucking stupid.‘
Lying in a room doing nothing. I want to do something but it feels like too much effort right now. I want someone to talk to but I don’t know what to say. I need to do something with my life but everything feels so far out of reach.
Is it in my head? Am I crazy? Will everyone leave me?